Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
