Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
