Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
