I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
