Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize