I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
