i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
