U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
