I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
