I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize