Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you never un-have a 4some
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
