Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
