you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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