By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
