thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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