she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
