Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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