Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Shame - the story of my life.
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