nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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