I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
