I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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