My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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