Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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