Kiss
Puke
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
