get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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