I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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