I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
