I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
