Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
