I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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