Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize