omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
