Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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