your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize