Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
