i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
