I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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