Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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