it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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