can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
too bad you live with your parents still
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
