john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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