ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
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