So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
