I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
