if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
