its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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