Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
