My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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