I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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