i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
