You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
