I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
