Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
