i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
