we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
