But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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