My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
