Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
