When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
