AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
