It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
