you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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