Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
