and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
