yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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