They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
