You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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