The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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