i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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