Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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