you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Sober January is a disaster.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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