Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
